Thursday, March 1

The Devil’s Advocacy

There was once a time when the caveman only cared about his own cave. All he ever did was hunt a buck or two, cook up a fire, rip those babies apart and feed his rumbling gut. Well the moral of the story is that nobody gave a damn about the endangered buck or the trees that he burnt or if he had ever produced any children and deserted their mother!

The world is on an empowering spree today – every squirmy little creature that they find is put on a list of sorts and any unsuspecting soul stepping on the meaningless conglomeration of tissues is bombarded with accusations of “disturbing the ecosystem”. Well, I don’t see an iota of difference in our lives if the bamboo chewing, sickeningly slow pandas were to vanish from the face of this earth except for, perhaps, having to watch more of Discovery channel’s ‘award winning documentaries’.

All those who think this is just about the animals, well, look closer home. While we’re working our behinds off in earning 3 meals a day and have a tiny little family of ours, some shortsighted doctors and swamis are saving malformed babies of some smart alec who thinks 10 children is just short of his very own cricket team. I say it won’t be long before the dozen kids of his create another dozen of there own, while the two of yours decide to dedicate there whole life to emancipation of an obscure tribe in Namibia.

There is yet one more, rather large part of the human race that has recently been ‘liberated’ from having all day to them, organizing parties and gossiping away entire neighborhood’s worth of affairs while their husbands test fly jets, put out flaming buildings or save the world! Who in their right minds would opt out of that liberating a life? I never understood the whole brouhaha about them being the weaker sex – male newborns have much higher mortality rates than females, a trend that remains so for the entire lives owing to higher risk of heart attacks, occupational hazards and probably nagging.

So, what’s the point you say? The point is that a man should only have to care so much that he can earn a decent life, produce enough children as he wants and feed them. The rest be left to him – whether he dominates his wife or he’s the henpecked one, is nobody’s business. What with the whole empowering of women, alleviation of poverty and saving the three-eyed hog, people are only messing with the supreme rule of survival of the fittest.

Think of the pandemonium if all your neighbors, colleagues and siblings were created equal and they looked and thought alike? As Mark Twain put it:

‘If all men were rich, all men would be poor’.

What if dolphins and sharks, lions and tigers, snakes and scorpions were protected to the point of putting a man’s life to risk? What if, one day, the likes of Maneka Gandhi came up with a brilliant plan of protecting the AIDS virus from being exterminated?

Why not stop pretending and just be the self-centered chauvinists that we really are and live a stress free, truly liberating life? If the world’s really becoming warmer, then let’s heat it quick and save our generations the agony of having to keep seventeen kinds of dustbins for seventeen kinds of garbage. Let’s just all mind our own businesses and be comfortably numb! Cheers!